E-rant

My one true love

Dear Siobahn -

It’s been a while since we spoke.  I’ve been missing you terribly, pining away late at night, wondering how you’ve been and if you’re thinking of me; hoping some day we can be together.  How I’ve missed your classy yet horribly vague prose; your beautifully shaped sense of entitlement to advance your own agenda, and, more than anything else, your sexy sleek style that avoids those ugly traits like “reliable sources” and “references”.   I’ve been reduced to watching reruns of 60 minutes, hoping you’d come back to me.

But now, I’m so happy to see you’ve had a change of heart and come back, publishing your latest piece on the DOE (INL) report about SCADA vulnerabilities.  Ah, sweet, sweet Siobahn.  I’m elated by your return - my dear, sweet, source of ranting inspiration…

But wait – what’s this?  Have you been … deflowered?  Has some horrible, dastardly person/editor stolen your chaste treasures?  Please say it isn’t so!  I’m not sure I can take the heartbreak…  It appears you’ve now taken to that nasty habit of “quoting” your sources and summarizing factual “reports”.  Woe is me!  Where, oh where has my love gone?  Your latest ode has none of the qualities that have previously made you the object of my affection – no unnamed sources, no vague references, and it’s filled with – it so pains me to say this – with fact!  You’ve broken my heart, dear Siobahn, and have left me wallowing in loneliness.  How, tell me, how can I go on without you?  Please, please, just give me a sign – a glimmer of hope that you’ll return…

Just … – is that … is that you?  Did I just see it?   Does this mean you still love me??  YES!  You must!!!  I’m so sorry – I must have misunderstood you, being confused and frightened by your long absence.  I’m so, so terribly sorry – I think I see it now:

You’ve conveniently avoided linking to the report, just like the “old you”.  And there it is again – you’ve called a three month old report “recent” – using those creative words to make old news look new.  And best of all – you’ve shown the depth of your love by conveniently avoiding this first sentence from the report under “Most Significant ICS Vulnerabilities”:

The most significant vulnerabilities identified in ICS are those that allow unauthorized control of the physical system. Compromise of the ICS’s availability and ability to function correctly may also have significant consequences.

And you did so to caringly craft the article to imply that cyber vulnerabilities are rampant and will be the cyber armageddon that we should all don tinfoil hats for.  Sweet, sweet, return.

Ah, yes…  Yes, that’s the Siobahn I know and love.  I knew you still loved me, too.

Yours Faithfully,

Jim

P.S.: To my rival “suitor”, John Kerber - Your attempts to woo her with accusations that 2003 (through 2009) are ancient history will FAIL – as reported by people in the industry like yourself: systems haven’t changed in 10, 20, or even 30 years, so clearly 2 years ago can’t possibly be considered “ancient”.  Stay away from my girl – I was here first!

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